reality bites back harder

being a mom is an exercise of humility --- i make decisions for another life and with that comes wrong ones. most of these mistakes now, my son would not even count against me.

being in the hospital for the 5th day now, i got excited to be able to put on a proper top for galak. i wasn't thinking that he would struggle, as he always does, when being dressed. the cannula came off. the cannula that was painstakingly put in. that i watched put in, in wretched state. 3 times in 5 days. and i heralded the looming 4th one.

the nurse told me casually, "you win some, you lose some". that encouraged me to move on.

moving on, i think about the mistakes, the carelessness and the stupid things i am yet to make as a mom. i pray that none will ever cost my child his life.

humbled, i am reminded again, that nothing is beyond God's grace. i have put this child through a lot and he is only 11 weeks old. he has put up with everything graciously, so far. neither wise nor learned, i pray that God will enable me and sustain me and teach me to forgive myself as i go along.

i need wisdom to hasten to me.