cleaning up

lem and i left japan toward the end of last year and did a lot of cleaning up - project-related documents were shredded (hah! i did the shredding on a high tech shredding machine) desktops cleaned (those who've worked with me know how cluttered my machine desktop can get), hey i cleaned out the actual desktop(where the machine sits) as well. then there's packing up the past 8 months - grateful for what had been, excited for the homecoming.

being home is delight.
think comfort. of family. of friends. of understanding what you hear. of getting the gist of the song being played on a public transport (suddenly, it dawned on me that public transports in japan don't have any music being forced on the commuters). of not really thinking. home sweet home. (where almost all beverage is served sweet :p ) i guess it is now apt to say, home salty home.

got the hang of cleaning up, decided to clean up our room too. meaning, throw away stuff not needed (or give them away). get rid of paper stacks (aka fire hazards). fine, there are still a lot of stacks untouched...

then i came across a loose leaf torn from a spring notebook.
second year college. student camp. group presentation.
jeanette scribbled the words of a song with a blue-inked pen to be used as a copy as 4 of us friends from high school (aliks and sammy) sang to the other participants. (i tried very hard to sing, so i guess that qualifies as singing)

and the words still ring true, my wish for you too.

JESUS IN YOUR HEART

If I could have one wish I know what I'd like to find
If I could have one dream come true before my eyes
More than a pot of gold
More than a pathway to the stars
More than anything I know
I want Jesus in your heart

If I could paint a picture in my mind of what I'd like to see
If I could take you once inside my deepest dreams
More than a treasure's glow
More than a comet trav'ling far
More than anything I know
I want Jesus in your heart

He's more than all the world can give
When He truly comes to live
In your heart
Why do you try to search for more
When He's what you are looking for
In your heart

I pray you'll find Jesus
I want Jesus in your heart

a happy new year everyone!

shiroi koibito [white lover]

*

"Osakini shitsureishimasu." He left before he had the chance to hear her say "Otsukaresamadesu."

The sweet iced tea helped her swallow down the bitter taste of uncertainty. Would she see him again tomorrow?

She saw him every workday at the office. She sat beside him. And not once did he glance her way. Oh how she would love to get to know him. Would his voice change in animated excitement as he would talk about things he loved doing? Would he like to spend time with her too, and get to know what book she reads and what drawings she paints?

2 years of working in the same office. 5 days a week, sometimes six. Had he known his scent would haunt her every single night, would he at least try to ask her name?

The gasping for breath struggled with the raging beating of her heart. "Tomorrow, I'll let him know tomorrow." But tomorrow never seemed to come.

It was the time when the snow started to melt. The cold february morning wind forced her to wound her arms tight to her body. She passed by a chocolate store and decided today would be the day. She grabbed a bag of brightly colored chocolate bits. Maybe, just maybe, the chocolate would make him realize what loving him this far no matter how physically close they actually were meant - bittersweet.

She arrived before him, always 5 minutes ahead. She placed the bag on his table and prepped herself to work. He walked in, strode to their corner of the room and after placing his bag on the floor, he noticed the bag of chocolates. He looked around, and opened the card. He then turned to her, asked if it was from her then shortly said thank you.

That night he asked her if it is okay to walk her home.
Of course he knew her name.

*** saw this on my desktop while cleaning out my stuff. inspired by the chocolate-giving culture of japanese women.

loving the drama

autumn is when leaves change colors -
some yellow, some orange, some to red, then to brown
then they fall, leaving the tree and it's branches bare.

i was walking under these trees yesterday when a thought hit me -
these leaves make dying look so grand, so dramatic.
well, they don't really die, as in die die.
but what the heck, if dying is separation, they sure know how to make a grand show of it all.

and we die everyday too.
sometimes, just petty deaths, other times, big ones.
some call it growth.
i'd like too see it as an autumn leaf, changing it's color, saying a howling goodbye.
with no trace of regret.

winter may seem long, but spring comes in time.
chancing upon the togetherness over again.

p.s. i am scouting for a shirt that screams i love kyoto, because i do.