on to living, the second time around

first times are mostly unexpected, accidents or serendipity
reviews help in the choosing, as excerpts and covers
the allure of reading a book for the first time ---
discovery, novelty and the mystery of not really knowing what you're getting

time off from work gave me some time to give in to my book lust
happy to have finally gotten a copy of the interpreter of maladies
for 50 cents from the hurstville library annual book sale
i have also loaned the great gatsby, in large print because it's the only available copy

but this isn't about books to read
nor is this about books i read about a million times
like the little prince and the velveteen rabbit
which i find comfort in -- their simplicity never fails to perplex me

this is about the luxury of reading a book for the second time
i was surprised that it actually brings an illogical tingling sense of excitement
i can be nostalgic, i wonder what made me like something
i also think back on what i possibly missed out, but most of the time without regret

i have read the chronicles of a death foretold twice
the second time was more mindful than the first, with the intent to understand
to really listen (or read for that matter), i am glad i did

then there's catcher in the rye
which i didn't like when i read it back in highschool
it wasn't a required reading, but joel was reading it
i read it again recently
the story didn't change, but i have
this time i found it a joy to read and holden, someone to remember

i was deciding which book to read next and i was looking at my gabriels
(which thankfully ivy brought to sydney)
there are 3 books i still haven't read

settled to read one hundred years of solitude again
i would like to think of it as putting things in perspective
i need to remember what made me read him in the first place
before i start on the other 3 first-time books
as i hold it in my hands, i feel more uncertain, unsure
"what if it doesn't turn out the way i expected?"

i am suddenly reminded that nothing turns out as expected
that's why i find life so darn hard to live
the same reason why living is interesting
all the same, i want to stay alive for a moment longer to know what happens next

second times can be insightful and are far from dull
they are about deliberately wanting to, not just chancing upon
but i have to remember though, i can't always afford a repeat performance

i am busy clicking my mouse

in the meantime

i am now used to pushing the switch down to turn the lights on.

i no longer wonder what microsoft has to do with cleaning when asked "where's the powerpoint i can plug this vacuum into?"

i got the hang of riding a bus or a car and don't feel like crashing into other vehicles each time. i am especially proud that i now know which direction to look first when crossing the street.

i revel in the fact that i live with both the conveniences of a metropolis and a country home. i still find sydney beautiful, more so on a fine clear day and i enjoy the peace and quiet at nighttime. (yes, i can actually hear crickets like i used to, growing up in kidapawan and makilala.)

i am now used to people telling me my english is good but i still think i'm better off with my mouth shut: i still say "lag out" when i mean "log out" or "CrappingApp" for "CroppingApp".

i am still taxed as much as i was before but this time, i don't get taxed additionally for necessities but taxed heavily for luxuries. eating out, getting a haircut and feminine pads are taxed additionally. however, i get my thyroid meds for half the price i used to pay plus my regular visit to the doctor is free. i do not pay a premium for water, food and electricity but internet connection is a different story.

fruits abound and can be very sweet, but no mango here even comes close to the one i grew up with. i find the people kinder, (as, in my opinion, they fight lesser battles) but family and friends are still being missed.

a year has gone by and i am getting enough sleep.
God is indeed good.