salty rainwater

*

she stared at the blades of grass moving helpessly with the wind outside the window that was beside her. she stared so closely, her view was interrupted ever so faithfully by blurry round objects that were the beads of the pulls of the window blinds.

it was a windy sunny day after a storm. and she had prayed that the boy she only sees in her dreams would love her back. but she was awake. and she was not loved back. she continued to stare blankly not knowing she would be meeting him at school the day after.

he was a slender boy. with an old man's eyes. he walked in her class gracefully determined. he seated himself in a chair where she would need to turn her head left very obviously.

they shared the same class every wednesday during that semester. she saw him and loved him more. she wasn't dreaming. loving him in her class was more liberating than loving him in her dreams. her eyes grew brighter each day, despite her years.

"i love you all my life." she said to the boy one stormy night. they were stuck in school because a storm hit their town without prior notice. he was looking at her. his eyes grew dimmer, light fading. he pitied her, that's all. he opened his mouth way too late. her time ran out. unrequited love. she became a pillar of salt. the rain washed what remained of her away.

bash-ing

it is already midyear-ish and almost my birthday too.

yesterday, at church, lem and i made an announcement that we would be leaving for sydney this coming august. ah, that sealed the plans, "officially". for me at least. yes i know that sydney is waiting (we were the ones who applied to get there in the first place), but having been granted a visa 3 weeks ago, made me more hesitant and nostalgic than excited. now, that announcement was the first step. i better start prepare.

yesterday was also the first time i stood in front of the congregation to share what i have been learning lately. dcbc (diliman campus bible church) holds an agape meal every first sunday of every month. and birthday celebrants are encouraged to share things they want to thank God for.

i am more than thankful. my cup is overflowing.

here's the notes i scribbled:

* thankful of God's love:
- never easy, but also never letting go; knows when to withhold and when to give; and He only has good, my good, in His mind
- He spurs me to do likewise, but not without tangible glimpses:
> thankful for lem, whose love is consistent
> thankful for the family, whose love is giving
> thankful for the dcbc community, whose love encourages me to grow more in the knowledge of the God i profess to believe in

* thankful for God's grace
- i have been more unloving than loving yet
- i am often spared from the consequences of the unloving parts
- i have learned too that whether i labor or rest, God is sovereign

* thankful that as i look back the past 29 years, (i'd be 29 in 2 days time), God worked, so that i may delight in Him and Him alone. He uses anything and everything (everything in this earthly life i have is only incidental) to becoming wholly His.

in college, i have i read this from the book of Jeremiah and i continue to hold on to this promise.
38 They will be my people, and I will be their God. 39 I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and the good of their children after them. 40 I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me. 41 I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul.