mum's the word

motherhood
i signed up for it
my application is now being processed

i am pregant
at 16 weeks gestation
and i realise one starts to become a mother not with the birth of one's child
but when one finds out she is pregnant with a child

it is a very challenging role
and like all others, i didn't expect anything at all
which is wise and unwise at the same time

i initially detested the physical intrusions
i felt tired most days
then there's nausea to deal with
and not wanting to eat but having to eat "for the baby"

now those days are theoretically over
i can see myself physically changing though
my waist widening, my tummy firming up and bulging out more
itches here, aches there
my work slacks are slowly getting tight
and chill autumn winds make it not so nice to wear skirts

the list of inconveniences can go on
there's the emotional turmoil one goes through
mulling over letting go of a security blanket, could be a career
and trying to be everything the society, or magazines, dictates
and i haven't even begun pondering on the pain of childbirth...

then i heard a baby's heartbeat
inside me

now i drink milk, at least eat cereals with it
i sleep as much as i can
and pray to God to keep this life in me safe

this is living for another in a very tangible form
and i have to keep up, selfish that i am

i'd say my appreciation for motherhood changed with this pregnancy
to all the mothers whose lives i have considered and pondered upon

ongma, mama, ma, apung nene and aunts
ate wimmy, ate lei, mercy chi and ate candice
aimee, cindy, pen, jeanette and mona
mothers from dcbc, gec, hope anglican/st. paul's and vinnies

thank you